This is why I say to you Stop
by DarkShadow1
Summary: Hannibal learns something about Clarice that is supposed to keep him away forever....This is pretty twisted, so if you don't like it, o well. !!COMPLETE!!!
1. Staring out the dismal window

Title: This is why I say to you... Stop.   
Rating: R  
Summery: Pending   
  
Clarice Starling looked up to the starless sky, and stared at the rain as it fell to the earth. Starling felt a calm move about her, knowing that for once in her life, she was finally safe from the Screaming of the Lambs...and the voices of Dr. Lecter.  
  
It has been three years since the night at Krendler's house, and she knew that he would never ever return to her again. Not after what she told him...not after the shock on his face that would stick in her mind forever.   
  
Clarice looked over to her bed, and watched her mate sleep...how beautiful it was to watch her mate sleep...It made her happy, and gave her peace and tranquility in this hostile world.  
  
Hannibal Lecter would never return...the lambs are silent...what more could she ask for... 


	2. Hannibal's Pain

Chapter Two:   
Hannibal Lecter sat in his apartment, clouded with memories of her. His little Starling that took place in his heart, and he never even let her in. He looked out to the sky and tried to contain the turmoil within his mind. There were so many things floating through his mind now...Why did she do it? Why did she tell him that? He would have been happy with any other answer BUT that. Why did she have to tell him something he tried to desperately not to acknowledge himself? She did it to make him leave forever...to make it all end. She didn't want him...he should have known that, yet he pressed on...kept pushing and pushing until she told him why...until she told him to reason she was asking him to stop.   
  
"Hannibal...you love me....so stop...stop coming after me this way...stop making me go insane...Hannibal...the reason I ask you to stop is because..."  
  
He couldn't finish the memory, it was locked inside his memory palace, in a dark corner, almost as hidden as Mischa's. He couldn't bare to remember...he never wanted to hear her say it again. It pained him too much to know that he never had a chance. If it had been anything else but that, he would have pressed on...pressed on until she gave in and caved and crumbled into pieces for him to gather for her. No...he could not do that now...not after what she told him. He would stay away from her forever. He would never go and see her again...for as long as he lived, she would be kept locked away in his memory, never to be accessed again. 


	3. Her mate

Chapter Three:   
AN: here we go, some of the answers will be revealed here in this Chapter. NOT all but Some.   
  
Clarice looked over to her mate, the beautiful woman sleeping in her bed. Her name is Tamala. Clarice met her almost a year ago, back when she used to go bar hopping and finally got up enough courage to walk into the "Cock Sucker" (AN: The Cock Sucker was used in the movie "But I'm a Cheerleader!" and is not meant to offend anyone, just make my story more colorful!) Clarice walked into the gay bar, and sat down and ordered herself a drink. There were a lot of butch women there, which didn't appeal to her at all. Then one woman caught her eye...and beautiful woman with long blonde hair and dark red lips. She was wearing a black leather dress, with fishnet stockings. Clarice looked at her and couldn't look away. Then the woman looked at her, and sat down next to her. They began conversation, and finally Tamala asked her if she wanted to go back to her place. They spent a crazy night together, Clarice's first with a woman. Clarice wasn't sure what to do, but Tamala led her to the places she wanted to be touched, and helped her with her intimacy issues, all in one night. Tamala was Clarice's angel.   
  
Clarice snapped back to present tense and sat down next to her lover. Tamala stirred a little and then her eyes fluttered open...  
  
"What are you doing up sweetie," Tamala asked.  
"Just looking outside, and watching you sleep," she coolly remarked.   
Tamala looked into her eyes and asked, "Is something bothering you?"  
"No Tami...I'm alright. I really am. I was just thinking about Dr. Lecter again..."  
Tami rolled over and got closer to her, "it's over with now, Clarice. Don't worry about him anymore...He's not in your life anymore... in our lives."   
Clarice bent down and kissed Tami.   
"I know...go back to sleep...I'm going to go and get us something to eat. I'll be back in a few hours."   
  
  
She began to walk out of the bedroom when Tami said, "I love you Clarice..."  
Clarice looked back and smiled, "I know..." 


	4. Those eyes

Chapter 4:  
  
Hannibal began walking around the streets, he knew it was late, but he needed to go out and get some air. He didn't know how to react to Clarice's little speech anymore. He couldn't keep it inside...he didn't know how to anymore... The words kept floating through his head...  
"Hannibal...you love me....so stop...stop coming after me this way...stop making me go insane...Hannibal...the reason I ask you to stop is because I'm gay Hannibal...I am in love with a woman, and there's nothing you can do to change that."  
He sat down on a bench next to the bakery he was about to go into. He needed to catch his breath. He brought out a cigarette from his pocket, and looked to the sky once more. The stars had come out..."some of our stars are the same..."   
He laughed at himself, "far apart is more appropriate now..." He looked back down to the ground and took another puff of his cigarette and sighed. He wasn't sure why he was acting like a brokenhearted child, but he didn't know how to help it. He had never been obsessed over a woman before, and he had never expected that to come out of her mouth. He didn't understand it anymore. He wanted answers, wanted to know why she did it. Why she left him in the way she did...why he never knew. All the time he spent looking at her, watching her sleep...he never suspected anything. Nothing...there were no signs. There was nothing that led him to believe she was gay.   
  
Hannibal heard the clicking of shoes behind him and turned around...he looked straight into those eyes...the eyes he's been hiding from ever since he moved back to Virginia.   
  
Authors Note: All of you people who want to say how Unrealistic that part of the story was, save it. I'm very aware that this would NEVER happen, but hell, that's the joy of Fan Fiction now isn't it? I enjoy where my story is going and I hope you all do as well. 


	5. I've missed you

Chapter Five:  
  
She looked into his eyes and saw something she had never seen before. Tears. Hannibal Lecter, the serial killer and cannibal did not cry... What was he crying about anyway? He had nothing to worry about, she wasn't going to turn him over to the F.B.I he knew that long ago.  
  
"Good evening Clarice." The Dr. said with the faint sound of longing in his voice.   
"Good evening Dr. Lecter."   
She searched his eyes and saw something that disturbed her...  
"Dr. why are you crying?"  
He looked away for a second, knowing that he was showing vulnerability, and that was not something he wanted her to see.   
"Clarice...you know I've always been honest with you, but for now, I can not answer that question."  
"Why not..."  
"You know why Clarice. You just want it verbalized."   
"Dr. Lecter...are you crying because you love me...or because you can't have me?"   
He looked at her and sat back stood up from the bench, "Both Clarice. I love you, and I can't have you. I miss you terribly, and I want to shoot myself because of it! I'm not supposed to act this way Clarice, I can normally cut myself off from everything, yet this struck something that I can not let go of! I can't explain it Clarice...I just can't..." he trailed off.   
He looked down and felt Clarice move closer to him and embrace him in a hug. She whispered in his ear, "I knew you would never leave me...I just knew it..."  
AN: Dun Dun Dun!! Where is this going...only I Know!! MWAHAHAh!! I'll post again tomorrow everyone! 


	6. I love you I think

Chapter Six:  
Authors Note: Some New Twists in here...so be prepared.   
PS) All Starlingphiles, don't worry, everything will be fine...if you have to, take a deep breath and walk out of the story...hehe I love Starling myself, but I think it would be interested for her to act this way.  
  
Hannibal held onto her tightly and whispered back to her, "What do you mean, you knew I would never leave..."   
She looked into his eyes, still in his arms and said to him, "Hannibal...I have been with Tami for over eleven months now...I thought that she could make me happy, I tell myself she can make me happy. Yet I wake up every night wishing that you were the one next to me. I can't look her in the eyes and tell her I love her Hannibal...I just can't."  
He looked at her and kissed her deeply, and to his surprise she responded in full.  
"And why is that Clarice?"  
She looked up at him and whispered in his ear, "because I love you." 


	7. Open this Door!

Chapter Seven:  
Clarice and Hannibal went into the bakery together and got breakfast. Clarice told him she had to go home to Tami and not keep her waiting.  
"I'll be back Hannibal...give me a few weeks to leave her and then I'll be back..." she calmly told him with no hesitation in her voice.  
He smiled and gave her an even nod.   
  
*Clarice's House a week later*  
  
"Why are you leaving me Clarice? Why, tell me the fucking reason Clarice!" Tami was in hysterics, she couldn't contain herself, Clarice thought that at one point she would go into shock. Clarice looked at her and sat on the couch, "because I don't see us going anywhere...ok? I just don't see myself with you for the rest of my life..."  
"Is this because you met someone else Clarice, because if you did I swear to God..."  
Clarice got up and approached her in a rage, "or what? What will you do Tami? You want to fucking fight your way through this until I change my mind? It's not going to happen, get the fuck out of my house! I want your shit packed and out of here by tomorrow, do you understand me?" There was a fire in Clarice's eyes that Tami had never seen before, she immediately backed off and left the room.   
  
Clarice heard the bathroom door slam and she winced. 'God, I never knew this would be so hard...'   
Clarice sat on the couch, tears in her eyes, unsure now of the decision she had made. Why was she leaving her anyway? To be with Hannibal? To lead a normal life? She laughed at herself, "a normal life with Hannibal Lecter...yeah, that's going to happen."   
She then began to think about how she would have to change to be with him, to change her speech, her looks and her whole personality just to be with him. She didn't know if that's what she wanted anymore.   
"Sure," she thought, "I want some kids, but do I want Hannibal's children? They would be hunted for the rest of their lives...all because I couldn't handle not being in a 'regular' relationship. He's brainwashed me into loving him...I know he has..." she cried and got up and ran to the bathroom door and banged on the door. She was screaming and crying, telling Tami to let her in. There was no reply.   
"Baby, I'm sorry...please, let me in..."   
Silence.  
"Tami..." still nothing...  
"TAMALA?"   
She got the spare key from the top of the door and unlocked it and ran inside, what she saw would stick in her memory forever.  
  
Tamala was on the floor, wrists slit, and eyes focused on hers. 


	8. Tears in the moonlight

Chapter Eight:  
  
Clarice ran into the other room and called the police. An ambulance was there in under ten minutes, and she was on the road with Tami. She kept holding her hand, and Tami was looking at her, falling in and out of consciousness.   
  
Clarice was waiting in the lobby, pacing back and forth for three hours. She couldn't sit down, couldn't see straight, and couldn't get the stinging tears out of her eyes. She cried and went outside for a breath of fresh air. She fell to her knees in the grass that was next to the hospital, and looked to the sky and cried out. Screaming and crying she called out, "Why did this happen...why?" she cried, putting her face to her chest, defeated, deflated.   
"Why Clarice, I didn't know this would hurt you so badly my dear..." Hannibal Lecter whispered behind her. She looked behind her and saw him standing there, the moonlight reflecting off of his eyes.   
Standing up she looked him in the eyes, "I didn't realize how much I cared about her until I found her on the floor...looking at me...with those eyes...Hannibal, I...I let her down...and the way she looked at me...Hannibal, it's like I killed her soul." She was crying harder now, trying to get the words out.  
He looked at her, and offered her no comfort, and no sympathy.   
"Clarice...I understand that this hurts you a great deal, I can see it on your face. But I want you to think about who it is you want to be with. Tamala or me."   
She looked up at him, shock on her face, "Hannibal, I can not- will not- make that decision right now! Tami is lying on a hospital bed close to death!"   
"I'll give you three days."  
  
With that, he turned around and walked back into the shadows.   
She looked to the sky once more, "Jesus...why is this happening...what did I get myself into..."  
  
Looking down at her tear stained shirt, she walked back inside and sat down, and continued to wait...  
For what, she wasn't sure. 


	9. I was your lamb

Chapter Nine:   
  
Clarice woke up in the same seat she fell asleep in. She looked around, and after wiping her eyes and composing herself a little, went up to the Nurses station and waited for someone to acknowledge her.   
"Can I help you miss?"  
"Yes...is Tamara Bradley alright? I've been waiting all night, and no one came to get me to tell me if anything has changed."  
The Nurse looked over the files and looked back at Clarice, "Are you family?"  
"No, but I'm the closest thing she has to family."   
"Ms. Starling...Ms. Bradley passed away last night..." a pause as Clarice slowly lost her composure, "I'm really sorry Ms. Starling..."  
Clarice simply nodded her head and turned around slowly. She began to walk out of the hospital and into the fresh air.   
Clarice walked over to her car and drove home in a daze.   
'She's gone...she's gone forever and I'll never be able to tell he any of the things I wanted to tell her...'   
Clarice pulled into her driveway and walked up into her apartment. Opening the door sent the scent of Tami through her soul, she quickly turned around and closed the door.   
'Oh God...I can't go in there yet...'  
She walked back out to her car and sat there for a moment. She drove to the bakery that she and Hannibal had their run in at and sat down on the bench.   
She waited for hours and hours. He did not come. She figured that he would have come to that spot if he had been looking for her.  
He wasn't looking for her, was he.  
She sighed and looked over to the sunset.  
"So much for that plan," she mumbled and walked back to her car.   
Clarice drove to the nearest Hotel and checked herself in.   
Getting into the room and sitting down on the bed, she felt sleep creep up to her eyes and finally laid down.   
  
*Clarice is stirring in the bed, crying and screaming*  
"Tami...God...I didn't mean for it to happen..." Then the aweful screaming of the lambs returns..."No...God No! Please..."   
  
Tami is shown, again on the bathroom floor in Clarice's apartment and looks up at Clarice, "I was the one who stopped the Lambs Clarice...and yet you let me die...I am your lamb now- only this time, I died by your hands."  
  
Hannibal appeared out of the darkness in her dreams and looked her in the eyes, his eyes were cold, and no love was shown there anymore. She goes running for him, looking for his arms...he is turning now, walking away and she catches his words in the wind...  
"It's too late Clarice..."  
  
*Clarice is still stirring, and crying out and kicking into the air*  
  
Hannibal sits on the other side of the room in the darkness and watches her struggle with her dream.   
"All in good time Clarice...all in good time you will learn how much you love me..." 


	10. Suffering

Chapter Ten:  
  
Hannibal looked to Clarice, and decided to end her suffering. He walked over to the bed, and sat down next to her. She did not stop moaning, or crying, so he took his hand and smoothed her hair and caressed her face. She stopped moving now, and slowly opened her eyes.   
Clarice looked up and saw Hannibal sitting there, looking at her. She darted up and grabbed him in an embrace. She cried on his shoulder for what felt like forever.  
He was the one who break the silence, "It's ok Clarice...I know that this is hard for you, but I'm here to help you my dear."   
She looked at him now, tears fresh in her eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry I doubted my feelings for you...I'm so sorry that I was not there for you. I knew the answer in my heart all along, that I loved you, and that you are the only one I love...but I couldn't leave her like that Hannibal. I just...I couldn't. Even if I knew how much I loved you...I couldn't face the fact that one day we could be separated again. Hannibal, I'm sorry..."   
He held her close and kissed her cheek, licking the tears off her face.   
He took and her places her back down on the bed and wrapped his arms around her waist and waited for her to fall asleep in his arms. Right before drifting off to sleep she whispered, "I love you..." 


	11. Showers and promises

Chapter Eleven:   
  
Clarice woke up the next morning alone. She looked around the hotel room and found no one.   
Clarice got up and went into the bathroom and got into the shower. The warm water ran over her body and she sighed out her pain. She kept thinking about Tamala, and how she missed her. She didn't miss her in the romantic sense, she just missed her being around. Being around Tami made her happy, sometimes made her feel more at home and safe that she would have liked. Clarice sighed and found tears springing up to her eyes once more. She remembered how Tami used to tell her that everything would be alright, and that someday, Clarice would find solitude and happiness even if it wasn't with her.   
"I hope you're right..." she whispered.   
Hannibal sat on the other side of the room, he had entered quietly and listened to her as she showered. Hannibal was consumed by the mist, so Clarice couldn't see him.   
Clarice sat down on the floor of the shower/bath and looked up to the ceiling. She began talking out loud.   
"I hope Hannibal knows that I didn't mean to hurt him Dad...I hope that he understands that I only did what I thought was best at the time. I didn't know how to leave her back then, it was too hard on her, and then it became too hard on me. I hope you aren't disappointed in my Dad, because I love Hannibal. I hope he knows that too...I just don't know how to say it to him in a way to make him fully understand." She cried out the last sentence as she stood up, "But someday Dad, I will make him understand...and I will never leave him."   
  
Hannibal got undressed and opened the shower curtain silently and came up behind Clarice. He put his arms around her waist, and she screamed.   
She turned around and saw Hannibal there, "You scared me..." she said quietly.   
"How long have you been in here Hannibal..."  
"Long enough."   
Hannibal looked her in the eye and spoke, finally, from some real emotion.   
"I know you love me Clarice. I had to be sure that you wouldn't leave again, since this is so soon after Tami's death. I understand she meant a lot to you, but I will make you happy Clarice. WE can have anything we have ever wanted, and we can live anywhere that you would like. Preferably out of the United States, but still, anywhere you desire we can go," he looked down and then back into her eyes, "I love you too Clarice. As much as I have tried to fight it sometimes, I do love you too."   
They shared a passionate kiss and looked deeply in each others eyes.   
  
What was shared there, symbolized a promise that neither one of them would ever leave again.   
  
Authors Note: Ok I have finally finished this one....I didn't want to drag it on any longer, and I felt this was sufficient enough.   
I hope you enjoyed it. 


End file.
